


down i-5

by devereauxed



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Introspection, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 21:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12418911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devereauxed/pseuds/devereauxed
Summary: Rose just needs to drive.Takes place between Emilio's death and Rose's phone call to Luisa.





	down i-5

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was 100% inspired by the case/lang/veirs songs "Down I-5" which is one of _those_ songs for me. The ones that you listen to and say, "Right, this song has parts of my DNA in it."
> 
> Anyway you should listen to it you're welcome - https://youtu.be/DZvQu1m8ebs.

As mile after mile fell behind her, Rose felt the tension draining from her body. The road stretched out before her in an endless series of white lines and asphalt, the continuous hum of the engine rumbling soothingly beneath her.

This was exactly what she’d needed. Nobody knew where she was, and no one needed anything from her. At least for a few days. Plenty of people were looking for her she was sure, some friendly and some…not so much, certainly more of the latter, but for now she was lost to everyone but herself. 

She had taken off in the middle of the night, directing her pilot to the smallest airport she could find in Oregon that would rent her a car, and that was it. She was on the road before sunrise, and for the first time in a long while she felt like she could breathe. By midmorning she had crossed into California, headed nowhere in particular, except down the I-5. 

She passed small towns of wooden houses, golden hills that rolled smoothly alongside her, and open fields seemingly stretching outward to the distant Sierra Nevadas; she moved through a surprisingly comforting never-ending loop of gas stations, fast food restaurants, and rest stops. The world existed beyond the exits, but she didn’t stop. She just drove. 

Billboards dotted the landscape, promising everything from hamburgers to salvation. The ones promising hell for sinners made her smile. They had no idea. 

The freedom was exhilarating. For five years it had been a continuous stream of need, the never-ending to-do list of living two lives. If someone from one half of her life didn’t need something from her, one from the other did. Now it was back to one. Single. Solitary. Alone.   

She knew that she should be happy. The pretense was finally over. Emilio was dead, and as far as she was concerned so was Rose Solano. She had no need of her anymore and found herself wishing her a ferocious, cruel end. She no longer needed to keep an indulgent smile on her face, would never again have to close her eyes and open her legs – she was free. But somehow it didn’t feel like it. Shaking off that trophy wife persona she’d had to inhabit for the last five years hadn’t provided the release she’d expected, and she had a sinking feeling the reason came with sparkling brown eyes and a killer smile. 

For years she'd tried desperately to free herself of her feelings for Luisa, succeeding only in damaging herself – and Luisa – in the process. 

She had hoped that her sudden and brutal exit from the Marbella and Miami would finally allow her to make a clean break and leave it all behind. She knew that taking that last drastic step had sealed their fate, that she was forcing Luisa’s hand. There was no coming back from that, and she had been fully aware of it when she’d pressed that button and walked away whistling like it didn’t matter. If she were honest with herself, not only had she been aware, she’d delighted in it.

Still, it bothered her that there was a twinge of _something_ when she thought about him now, and she knew that it had nothing whatsoever to do with him. Regardless of the fact that she had shared a bed with the man for five years, Emilio’s life meant nothing to her apart from his connection to Luisa. 

It was always Luisa. The ghost she couldn’t banish. The demon she couldn’t fight. 

She knew it was telling that the mistake she sought to rid herself of was Luisa and not the path of destruction she had left behind, but that was who she was – it was how she survived. She didn’t think of herself as a victim, not of fate, not of Elena, not of the world. She did what she had to do, and more than that, she _enjoyed_ it, she was good at it. 

She wasn’t just going to throw it all away like that. Not for some girl. 

Even as the words passed through her mind, her hands tightened on the wheel. Luisa wasn’t just some girl and she knew it. Denial had long since run its course. 

She sighed, and she drove.

She found herself appreciating the humble beauty of the world as she passed through it and was taken aback. That didn’t happen, not to her.

She had always appreciated the industrial quality of the road, the grit of the gas stations, the rest stops – the isolation and the underbelly, it was where she felt comfortable. Despite the fact that she was normally so untouchable and pristine, a princess in a world of filth, she loved it. She loved the grime. To her that was the real world. But now she was seeing beyond that to the long grass waving in the wind, the sparkling of the sun through the trees. Normally those weren’t things she cared enough to notice. Objectively she knew they were beautiful, but they were always irrelevant window dressing, something better left ignored. But somehow, now, they had penetrated that hard outer shell she had forged, and she was pretty sure she knew who to thank for that. 

The countryside outside the window opened up into farmland, rows and rows of crops flicking past her window one after the other, the main house looming on a hill in the distance, cows peppering the greenery. 

Unbidden, her mind conjured an image of Luisa there beside her, face pressed to the window, warm and happy. “Cows, Rose! I always wanted a cow. I should buy one. We could name it Patches. Pull over.” She knew without a doubt that Luisa would have insisted they stop at the Pie Shoppe ten miles back, that she would have proclaimed herself the DJ (“for _safety_ , Rose”) and played an endless stream of insufferably poppy 90s dance music interspersed at random with the most depressing and introspective indie rock. She would have insisted on putting her feet up on the dashboard no matter how many times Rose told her it wasn’t safe. She would have waved at children in the cars they passed. She would have fallen asleep, a hand resting softly on Rose’s thigh, just to know that she was still there.   

Rose’s mind filled with images of her – in sunglasses and one of those floral sundresses that made Rose’s hands itch with the need to touch her – feet up, hair loose and wild, one hand out the window playing with the wind, singing loudly and unashamedly and – 

The car was suddenly oppressively quiet. She couldn’t breathe.   

She pulled the car to the shoulder and hastily threw it into park, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes. There was an itch she couldn’t scratch, like her own skin didn’t fit properly anymore. 

And with sudden clarity she realized she didn’t _want_ Rose to die. Somehow it was as though…if Luisa existed, then Rose did too. Before Luisa Rose had just been a character, an identity to hide behind, something to manipulate to get what she wanted, but every time they came together only to fall apart Luisa generated within her a truth that hadn’t been there before. There were parts of Rose that were real, parts that mattered. It wasn’t an act – not with her. 

If Rose died then those parts of her would be gone, likely for good. She was certain that this was weakness, one that could put her in danger no less, but apparently it was not a weakness she was willing to part with. 

 _Luisa_ wasn’t something she was willing to part with. She only wished she’d accepted that before burning everything to the ground. 

_Let’s go somewhere. Together._

_I still want to be with you. I want us to tell everyone and just…run away together._

She opened her eyes. Something almost like hope flickered in the back of her mind. 

It made no sense. There was no reason for Luisa to ever speak to her again let alone trust her. 

But some part of her believed against all odds that there might be a chance – for them, for her. 

She had to know. 

She had a phone call to make.


End file.
